Hello All! I was under the impression that I was going to blog each day on my HCG diet BUT....... my life is eternally chaotic! My household usually suffers from a (what I hope to be) pretty normal state of chaos for a family of four with three pets AND a roomie in the basement. THEN........ I decide to add a cruel, cruel diet and hormone drops in the mix; a theoretical "cherry on top." So, the last time I got to blog it was only my 1st and 2nd day of the diet; what I would (and most) think as the easiest and BEST part, the gorge days! Day 3 I started the 500 calories a day and it was really tuff. The first day went well untill the evening, then the phsycotic behavior and irrational manipulating began. I am hoping after this whole thing is over that Tim will still be living in the house! Seriously, he is taking care of me VERY well and has the most patience! The first night; as sad to admit, I cried myself to sleep. I definitly wasn't hungry, I was only crazy with lack of control. Over the last two weeks I have come to realize that my "bordom eating" is ALOT worse than I had suspected. I have always been a self-proclaimed emotional eater and bored eater. I KNOW that I eat just to put things in my mouth. This diet, as hellacious as it may be, has helped with curbing those habits. I think that the emotions and feelings I have experienced over the last two weeks have essentially thrown me to a new low, psychologically.
Any addiction causes a severe desire for the addicting substance. Most people with an addiction, whatever it may be; smoking, meth, alcohol, (or in my case) food, people hit rock bottom before deciding they MUST change. When I started this diet I thought that I was the heaviest I could possibly get and was at my bottom, I was wrong. At least, I was wrong about the bottom part. This new low that I spoke of earlier made me realize how SICK I am in the head, that realization brought me to a completely different low. This taught me how manipulative I can be when I don't have control over my body, my food! I was irrationally planning when I would open the bag of chips after Tim went to bed. "The bag will be too loud, I will have to take it out to the back deck with out him hearing me. Should I set my alarm clock so that I can make sure to wake up before him? When he asks about the marshmellows I will just tell him that I gave them to Hazel." I was and AM amazingly shocked how awful I felt, my brain started to turn on me!
Two weeks into it, I seem to be clawing my way out of my deep, deep hole. I have lost 10 pounds and have actually done a lot of cheating. Alot more cheating than I really should. I have noticed that I don't want to eat as much as I was. I haven't had any pop. Don't get me wrong, I have thought about pop, alot! Potatos have been a lot easier to let go of than I thought. My biggest shock is the green "bunny food"! After 26 years I have trained myself to eat Romaine Lettuce and Spinich!!! Yeah, that's right, I can eat a salad!
Now that you have picked yourself off of the floor (hope you didn't hurt yourself mom) I am going to sign off. I need to get some rest so that I may motivate myself to keep on truckin through another 500 calorie day!
Laura:)
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
HCG Hell Days 1 and 2
HCG Hell
Day 1
195 lbs
The first day is here! I have taken my first dose of HCG drops and have the process “clicking away.” Phase 1 encompasses Days 1 and 2. These days are for binge eating or I as I so lovingly call it “gorging out.” I have decided to have a pasta dinner tonight and a glass of wine. A canolli at Boticelli’s would probably work nicely also! Wish me luck!
HCG Hell
Day 2
195 lbs
Today, I finished the first phase of the HCG diet. I honestly don’t FEEL like eating anything! I have really tried to think of really awful greasy, fatty foods to eat during this phase and realized that I ALWAYS eat those nasty foods.
I started off the morning with a blueberry bagel and A LOT of strawberry cream cheese. I knew that I would be throwing away what was left so I really enjoyed myself. The “bagel berry bliss” was short lived because it gave me killer heartburn! I had my drops and that didn’t really add to the damage so I was doing pretty well. Before Tim and I could get our gang ready for Ryne’s birthday party, we made a Digorno Pizza (yet another thing in my freezer I wanted gone). Unfortunately, it came back up. I am pretty sure my stomach just did not really want anything else. So we were off to the party and of course, cake and ice cream! The party was a ton of fun and Mr. Ryne loved his cake! It is always fun to watch their curiosity and bewilderment whilst you lay a 9 inch frosted cake in front of their eyes and wandering fingers. Ryne was cautious at first; his innocent expressions said a thousand words, “really, I can just dig in?” I am praying that I don’t have that same bewildered look later this week as I am starving.
After the party the girls passed out and I had a chance to divide and portion out all of the chicken that I bought yesterday. I also bought a Bison steak and cut it in half. I am actually kind of excited for that tomorrow. I cooked it up for my lunch and am ready to try it; it did smell good! I was tired after getting it all separated and some cooked up. It was definitely a chore today but I think it will prove to be a good choice later in the week.
For dinner I made Crab Alfredo, nothing like a cup of whipping crème and two sticks of butter to top off your binge eating! It was very good but I still had a hard time eating it. I think I am already convinced that the drops help suppress hunger. We will have to see if they work as well when I am down to 500 calories a day! Dinner was good and another thing out of my freezer! After dinner Tim and I emptied out the rest of the food we just couldn’t bring ourselves to eat over the weekend. My fridge is very clean and sparkly now! It is packed with Tupperware of chicken and bison, fruits and vegetables. I totally wouldn’t think that was MY fridge if I hadn’t already known the changes!
After dinner Hazel asked for an ice cream cone and I decided I might as well oblige since it will be my last in a long while. It is weird to think earlier this summer I couldn’t go a day without dying for a McDonalds Reese’s McFlurry. Tonight I almost had to choke it down; in a couple of days, I knew I would regret it if I hadn’t.
I got a ton of laundry done today and that always feels like a huge accomplishment. I also got the bills paid and now have that dreadful feeling of being broke. I wonder when that feeling will go away. Will it ever go away? Besides the norm, my behavior and emotions seem to be going ok. I still feel a little bit of “fluttery-ness” for about 30 minutes after taking the drops. This sensation sort of feels like a low shot of epinephrine running through my system. I haven’t decided if this is something I have made up in made or not, I have decided to look more into the sensation.
I am pretty nervous about tomorrow, it will be my first day of Phase 2 and probably the first time I have only had 500 calories in one day for a very long time. I am really hoping I can pull through strong! I am definitely praying that those drops continue suppressing my hunger craziness.
Day 1
195 lbs
The first day is here! I have taken my first dose of HCG drops and have the process “clicking away.” Phase 1 encompasses Days 1 and 2. These days are for binge eating or I as I so lovingly call it “gorging out.” I have decided to have a pasta dinner tonight and a glass of wine. A canolli at Boticelli’s would probably work nicely also! Wish me luck!
HCG Hell
Day 2
195 lbs
Today, I finished the first phase of the HCG diet. I honestly don’t FEEL like eating anything! I have really tried to think of really awful greasy, fatty foods to eat during this phase and realized that I ALWAYS eat those nasty foods.
I started off the morning with a blueberry bagel and A LOT of strawberry cream cheese. I knew that I would be throwing away what was left so I really enjoyed myself. The “bagel berry bliss” was short lived because it gave me killer heartburn! I had my drops and that didn’t really add to the damage so I was doing pretty well. Before Tim and I could get our gang ready for Ryne’s birthday party, we made a Digorno Pizza (yet another thing in my freezer I wanted gone). Unfortunately, it came back up. I am pretty sure my stomach just did not really want anything else. So we were off to the party and of course, cake and ice cream! The party was a ton of fun and Mr. Ryne loved his cake! It is always fun to watch their curiosity and bewilderment whilst you lay a 9 inch frosted cake in front of their eyes and wandering fingers. Ryne was cautious at first; his innocent expressions said a thousand words, “really, I can just dig in?” I am praying that I don’t have that same bewildered look later this week as I am starving.
After the party the girls passed out and I had a chance to divide and portion out all of the chicken that I bought yesterday. I also bought a Bison steak and cut it in half. I am actually kind of excited for that tomorrow. I cooked it up for my lunch and am ready to try it; it did smell good! I was tired after getting it all separated and some cooked up. It was definitely a chore today but I think it will prove to be a good choice later in the week.
For dinner I made Crab Alfredo, nothing like a cup of whipping crème and two sticks of butter to top off your binge eating! It was very good but I still had a hard time eating it. I think I am already convinced that the drops help suppress hunger. We will have to see if they work as well when I am down to 500 calories a day! Dinner was good and another thing out of my freezer! After dinner Tim and I emptied out the rest of the food we just couldn’t bring ourselves to eat over the weekend. My fridge is very clean and sparkly now! It is packed with Tupperware of chicken and bison, fruits and vegetables. I totally wouldn’t think that was MY fridge if I hadn’t already known the changes!
After dinner Hazel asked for an ice cream cone and I decided I might as well oblige since it will be my last in a long while. It is weird to think earlier this summer I couldn’t go a day without dying for a McDonalds Reese’s McFlurry. Tonight I almost had to choke it down; in a couple of days, I knew I would regret it if I hadn’t.
I got a ton of laundry done today and that always feels like a huge accomplishment. I also got the bills paid and now have that dreadful feeling of being broke. I wonder when that feeling will go away. Will it ever go away? Besides the norm, my behavior and emotions seem to be going ok. I still feel a little bit of “fluttery-ness” for about 30 minutes after taking the drops. This sensation sort of feels like a low shot of epinephrine running through my system. I haven’t decided if this is something I have made up in made or not, I have decided to look more into the sensation.
I am pretty nervous about tomorrow, it will be my first day of Phase 2 and probably the first time I have only had 500 calories in one day for a very long time. I am really hoping I can pull through strong! I am definitely praying that those drops continue suppressing my hunger craziness.
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